SoulVeggie

Ode to Andy Rooney

Rooney's death was announced recently, and I was speculating on what he might say about the topic.  I always enjoyed listening to his often insightful, albeit, cranky, observations.  Here's my ad hoc version of such.  Best read with his unique verbal cadence in mind.  He was a true original.  Mark

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(tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...)

"Don't you wonder about this "dying" thing?  I mean, people really make a big deal about this all the time.  Why do they call it "dying"?  What if it's really a new beginning?  Why don't we call it "re-booting?"  When was the original "booting?"  I don't like boots.  They irritate my ankles.

I think most of us worry too much about what's going to happen at the end.  I don't understand why we think we can second guess the universe and anticipate the next phase of our existence.  If it's a phase, does than mean we eventually get over it?

Then there are those who think the more pious amongst us will go to some heaven where we wear white robes, sing, and play harps all the time.  Don't you just hate robes?  No pockets, and totally inappropriate after Labor Day.  Don't even get me started about the harps.

If not ascending to heaven, I'm told we descend into fiery molten pits to live an eternity tortured by demons and hell's spawn.  I guess it's kind of like watching "American Idol" or a Republican Presidential Debate.

In one of his more cherry moments speculating about death, Mark Twain noted:

"[A] Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to -- both have their advantages, "heaven for climate, hell for company!"

I'm not sure which I'd prefer.  Would interesting companions make up for lousy weather?  Would I be allowed to smoke a good cigar in Heaven?  I like my sweater.  A little chill in the air makes me feel more alive.

But, as things go, I think I have to agree with that venerable philosopher, Socrates, who probably best expresses the reality of the situation:

"To fear death, gentleman, is no other than to think oneself wise when one is not, to think one knows what one does not know."

You see, to Socrates, death was either a dreamless sleep or something exciting and new to experience.

I like new experiences.  That's how we grow and learn.  But then, as Socrates also noted:

"To know, is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge."

I sometimes wonder what Socrates would think of Google or Facebook.

Anyway, I'm going to miss my time on Earth.  I've gotten used to my shoes and this sweater that has kept me warm most of my adult life.  Will I be allowed to have a desk in heaven?  I like this desk.

But then, as is often noted, "a wise man knows not to be the last to leave the party."

Guess it's time to go... see you soon."

(tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...)

Video: Vegan Black Metal Chef Episode 1: Pad Thai

This had me laughing out loud & giggling while watching.  Frickin' hilarious, & love the utensils.  Wonder if the creator(s) can sustain this kind of hilarity (& practical vegan cooking suggestions) for several episodes.

"Behold the Glorious Pad Thai," indeed.

Enjoy!  Mark (still deep in working on cookbook and trying to avoid ticking people off by the posts I really want to do):

[of course, I'm not endorsing the amount of oil,sugar, or salt used, but do admire the remarkable creativity in terms of presentation & general wit/production in this clip]

Twitter: @solveggie

10 Additional Heath Benefits of Daiya Cheese

I'd been exploring Twitter & responding w/ some Tweets about the high fat content of Daiya Cheese, when the company tweeted back and said they wanted to talk to me about the health benefits of their products.  I responded, essentially, that the products were high fat, basically added oil, and nutritionally useless. What's to talk about?  Thought about this some more and decided to visit their website after a 2 yr hiatus (had blogged about them awhile back).

Keep in mind that the only two guys to reverse heart disease, Drs. Esselstyn and Ornish, with 20+ years of peer reviewed research to support their claims, recommend between 12 (or so) and 24 grams of fat per day (depending upon your caloric intake:  they prefer 10% of your calories from fat, NO added oil), I decided to be magnanimous and help provide Daiya with some additional health claims they can truthfully use.

First, what are the ingredients in Daiya Mozarella Cheese:

"Filtered water, tapioca and/or arrowroot flours, non-GMO expeller pressed canola and /or non-GMO expeller pressed safflower oil, coconut oil, pea protein, salt, vegan natural flavours, inactive yeast, vegetable glycerin, xanthan gum, citric acid (for flavor)."

Second, here's the "health" claims on their website:

- cholesterol free

- trans fat free

- free of all animal products (vegan)

- free of common allergens including:  dairy (casein and lactose), soy, gluten, eggs, peanuts and tree nuts (excluding coconut)

- free of artificial ingredients

- free of hormones & antibiotics

A fine and thoughtful analysis by the Daiya team, even though a pile of rocks or leaves would easily be determined as "healthy" by the exacting criteria used above.  In the case of the leaves, maybe healthier.

It seems that the healthy benefits of Daiya Cheese are measured by what it DOES NOT CONTAIN instead of WHAT IT DOES CONTAIN, or as "compared to dairy cheese" (unless you take into account the fat, which isn't much of a difference).  One-fourth cup is 6 grams of just fat (and a slice of pizza would normally have around 1/3 cup, probably 8 grams of fat).  Have two slices of a Daiya dosed pizza and you've killed a day's worth of fat (according to Esselstyn/Ornish/Barnard/McDougall/Campbell).

Anyway, I decided to help them out.  Here's an additional 10 health claims they can add to their website for Daiya Cheese (as could many vegan cheese products) and be truly honest:

1) REDUCES HEART DISEASE POTENTIAL:  less plaque forming (which causes 90% of heart attacks) than from dairy or meat sources.  Of course, eliminating added oil totally would reduce that potential to near zero, but that's not the point.  It's LESS.

2) VERY SAFE TO EAT:  contains no glass shards which would irritate or cut-up your esophagus.

3) HUMANE:  not tested on mice, rabbits, cats, dogs, or platypus ducks.

4) EASIER DIGESTION;  contains no significant amounts of any nutrient (phytochemicals, antioxidants, micronutrients, any vitamins or minerals)... nutritionally useless means less demand on your digestive system.

5) "VEG" FRIENDLY:  suitable for pesco-vegetarians, bovo-vegetarians, swino-vegetarians, avian-vegetarians, and chitinous-vegetarians.  Flexi-vegetarian issues still being studied.

6) IMMUNITY BUILDING:  contains coconut oil, the #1 source of plant-based saturated fat, to help you build a tolerance to a substance the American Heart Association says should be limited in your diet.

7) ANALGESIC:  eliminates the emotional pain of re-calibrating your taste receptors to not crave fat and actively promotes your taste addiction to fat, thereby decreasing your stress.

8) FOOD-BORNE ILLNESS FREE:  contains no E.Coli, Listeria, Campylobacter, Salmonella, Avian Flu, Mad Cow Disease, or Ergot Fungus (bummer).

9) CONTAINS NO REAL FOODS; which would be another demand on your digestive system.  The Pea Flour is borderline.  Glycerin (not a real food) and oils "slide through" your system, although, what is a vegan natural flavor?  However, the Xantham Gum is essentially slime, which is a real food, kinda sorta, although icky in concept. I also prefer my yeast "active."  Let the little buggers earn their keep.

10) WEIGHT-REDUCER:  does a fantastic job of making your wallet lighter & therefore less of a physical burden.

Of course, admittedly, shredded cardboard laced with coconut and olive oil would probably have a superior nutritional profile to that of Daiya Cheese, and many other vegan cheeses.  Cheaper, higher in fiber, but probably doesn't melt as well.

Conan Clip: "Hunting Tofurkey"

It's short, around a minute, but funny.  Personally, I've never found Tofurkey appealing on any level.  Sure, if it helps some people adapt, go for it.  But I'd never serve it to people I care for (let alone, spend that kind of money on this product that could be used so much more effectively elsewhere):

Iron Chef America or "Barbarians at the Plate"

It's a guilty pleasure, to be sure, but I've taken to watching Food TV a little more than I used to.  Yeah, I'd listen to it sometimes while doing other things in the kitchen, but recent interpersonal emotional stress in my life has been affecting all my projects and health to varying degrees.  As such, I decided to change things up a bit, relax, and actually sit in front of a TeeVee and watch a few shows after dinner, rather than working late at my desk.  Food TV is one of my favorite weird spaces.

There's "Paula Deen the Fat Queen," who probably hasn't made a recipe with less than half a day's worth of fat and calories per serving in decades,  "Rachel 'I drink healthy happy EVOO [extra virgin olive oil] by the glassful every day' Ray," a travelogue on the unhealthiest popular food in the country ("Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dies, er, "Dives"), the husband of a couple who manages to frequently use "y'all" three times in a sentence to be folksy, and the superbly edited, often witty, occasionally nutritous, but always interesting, "Good Eats."  I could easily prattle on about other shows, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

Yet, for comedic operatic and satirical value, "Iron Chef America" is great sport and trumped up competition. Some of these Chefs display amazing creativity (I do get ideas from them), offset only by how unhealthy most of the recipes are.  However, I do enjoy the overall silly drama:  "WHAT is he doing now?"  "I don't KNOW... could it BE a PIE?"  "What's she going to do for PROTEIN?"  "Is that, is it, is it... CUMIN?" "OMG, OMG, it's pork sushi with chocolate, arame, anchovies, saffron, and habanero!  That's NEVER been done before in the history of the UNIVERSE!"  All peppered with quick edit cuts, intense vocalizations, and manufactured tension.

Last night, the "secret ingredient" (cue the fog machine and turn the speakers to "11") was:  duck!  Obviously it was appallling, and as someone who's  taking care of 9 of these delightful creatures, I can think of few  animals that deserve less to be slaughtered (well, none, actually) and then "dressed up" for human consumption. I was revolted by one Chef using machine-generated air pressure separate the outer skin of the ducks. The process of carving of them into steaks would've made Freddy Krueger proud. That's not all. The dialogue that ensued when these culinary "creations" were served to the august panel of Judges deserves note with some examples ("slightly" paraphrased):

"Excellent use of dijon mustard, oreos, and lard, Chef, but for me, the skin of the deep fried dead animal's carcass just wasn't as crispy as I'd hoped it would be.  Perhaps, too, a bit more salt would've helped. But, using spicy toasted duck flippers like tortilla chips in your second recipe was brilliant, and yet practical."

"You are truly talented!  A fine subline artistic arrangement of cooked chunks of a hacked up slaughtered bird with vegetable strips in a superb chianti wine sauce reDUCtion." [pun intended]

"I'm just not impressed, Chef.  I expected a more robust flavor from that deceased fowl you friccasseed." (burp)  "But I do find the five different types of cut up animal corpses with grits a most interesting variation on that Southern Classic. The sprinkle of ants covered with powdered sugar was visually appealing." (belch) "You've done well."

(giggle) "I just love love love the way the boiled duck embryo, er, egg, holds up on top of a a slab of it's adult dead version on top of the mucho tasty ground up diseased bird liver. It's so so pretty!" (giggle) "I could eat this forever and ever!"

"Chef, your astounding creativity in making this lifeless nutritionally disgusting duck-based dessert is a testimony to your awesome skills.  You've scaled new heights of culinaryness and cookingosity.  I wouldn't have thought it possible." [the dessert was real]

Yeah, I sat, transfixed, until the end, both fascinated and distressed.  Then I saw the "secret ingredient" for the next episode:  pheasant.  I turned off the TeeVee.  An admittedly judgemental phrase mumbled out of my mouth at that point that summed up my thoughts about it all:

"Barbarians at the Plate."

Sure, on the surface a more civilized version of people wearing furry dead animal skins and ripping cooked body parts off a formerly living animal, but in reality, just as morally and ethically reprehensible. Yeah, there are times when we probably shouldn't be judgemental or overtly critical (or so some believe when taking the higher road) of carnivores and those that just haven't figured it out yet, it won't change their attitudes, as we might feel superior in some way and pride goeth before blah blah blah.

Nuts... I know barbarism when I see it.  Now, if the Chefs, with the Judges watching, had to capture, kill, pluck or skin, then cook said animals for the competition, I'd be more impressed, and they'd be more aware of the truth behind what they are doing.  Certainly would put a big rip in the Judge's smarmy aristocratic civilized veneer.  But then, the show's catch phrase, "who's cuisine will reign supreme?" would have to be changed to, "who's cuisine is more obscene?" That might lower ratings and upset a few human stomachs.

A reality the Food Network can't afford...

 

[With apologies to Bryan Burrough and John Helyar, who wrote "Barbarians at the Gate"]

Video Clip: Colbert vs. PETA vs. Joe Biden

This was a quick and witty bit by Stephen Colbert regarding PETA's concern about Joe Biden giving US soldiers hot dogs.  Satirical in nature, it actually supports PETA if you, well, "read between the lines."

Video Clip: Stephen Colbert Interviews President of the American Meat Institute

Just unbeliveably hilarious and spot on.  He really nails the Pres. on several topics and it's a true joy to watch.

FYI, Mark

Video "Mockumentary:" The Majestic Plastic Bag

A four minute stunning parody of a BBC nature film: the plastic bag as a successful organism, accompanied by serious "English-accented" voice, describing it's life cycle.  The video is for a really important activist cause in California, and it's points are made in a very sly and clever fashion.  Enjoy!

Video Clip: "Pork or Parents?" (Daily Show)

A very funny, yet telling, video clip about a muslim woman wanting to adopt some children but who is rejected because she won't allow pork, "the most anthropormorphic of meats," in her home.  Four minutes of clever writing/editing:

Pork or Parents

Video Clip: Thought For Food - Cereal, Foot-Long Cheeseburger & Ecobot III

Another hilarious "Thought for Food" Colbert Video Clip.  A fine find while "on the road."  More attentive blogs posts will commence in a few days, but for now, enjoy this outlandish satirical genius.  About 5 minutes in length.

Thought For Food - Cereal, Foot-Long Cheeseburger & Ecobot III