SoulVeggie

MorningStar Farms "Chick'n" Strips

It's really amazing to watch the growth of "faux meats" or "meat analogs" in conventional grocery stores. 25 years ago I would have gone into anaphylactic shock walking into today's markets and seen so many vegetarian (and vegan) options. Yesterday, at a Giant (in Burtonsville, Maryland, for gawd's sake... a tiny 'burb North of DC), I found a new Morningstar Farms Vegan product: Chicken Strips.  Surprising, too, as many of their vegetarian products often have "egg whites." Here's my take on it all.

Heart Goes "Bam!"

Been housesitting a menagerie for some friends this week, and not having cable at home, it's been interesting (and frightening) to see what's on.  Last night I bumped into popular Chef Emeril Lagasse.  The show was taped in 2001, and it was showcasing the results of a contest he'd had in which children from around the country vied to have Emeril come to their school and "kick up the meals a notch."  Aside from the word "notch" being used at a rate of about 10 per minute by everyone on camera, I managed to stomach about 15 minutes of the show before looking for "SpongeBob."  These days Emeril's catch word is "Bam!" after adding an excessive amount of some "new" ingredient to a dish.

Emeril was in Podunk, North Dakota, and he was showing this unbelievably nerdish young teen and her sister how to make breakfast. And what a fine meal it was!  Twisted bacon ("Ummm, that bacon fat tastes sooo good," intoned Emeril).  French Toast made with eggs... by itself almost reasonable for non-vegans, but Emeril "kicked it up a notch" by slathering cream cheese between two slices before frying the killer caloric mess in butter.  I could live with that, remembering how I used to eat decades ago, but it was Emeril's answer to one of the little girls asking him why he loves Pig Fat so much that did me in.

"Well," Emeril said (a bit out of breath - when you're overweight, cooking is exhausting), "it tastes good.  And... I think it's good for your skin!" he winked.  Well, there you have it.... another reason to eat an animal smarter than most dogs (and possibly some Chefs).

Sojourn to Burger King

[I wrote this back in May 2002.  The veg'n community was "a buzz" with the arrival of the BK Veggie Burger.  The burger made quite a stir, and invited many debates (among them, is buying one supporting BK's negative impact on society's health and our environment? Eric Marcus of the great "vegan.com" stunned many with his thoughts on the matter).  I hadn't been to a fast food restaurant in years and documented what transpired.]

Oh, gawd... I feel so unclean......

I had to run some errands in Burtonsville, MD, late this morning, and there was this Burger King in the parking lot of the strip mall.  Girding my loins, adjusting my shades, pulling up my pants, I went in.  I tried to swagger a bit, like some of the workmen I saw going in... look tough... you're walking into a store painted in primary colors... could be worse... could be McSlaughter's....

Felt like I was a Dallas fan in a Redskins bar, only I had sunglasses on and no one knew any better.  What do I do? A long line.  Quite the mixture of ethic backgrounds, generally lower middle income.  What sort of demented artist designed this place?  They are so happy selling dead animal products.  Better get in line.

The people behind the counter wear uniforms... are they a para military force of some kind?  The assault on my sense was almost too much.  They spoke some numerical code... "I'll take a Number 4, she wants a Number 5 without onions, I want a super-this and a mega-that"..... very confusing...