SoulVeggie

Audio: Orson Welles Meets "Vegan World"

Dr. Don Wagner and I did an "Orson Welles War of the Worlds" in a radio interview last week, with the concept of "what if the world went vegan last night?" 

It was quite the improv experience. 1st few minutes, my book, the rest, a "thought experiment" in real-time on what the implications would be for the planet and global society.  Apparently, some listeners actually thought it had happened and went looking online social media for reference to the event!

It's about 45 minutes streamed or as an MP3 audio download:

Don and I had talked about the possibility the night before, and I said, "sure, you lead, I'll follow."  We were basing the idea upon a recent blog anniversary essay I wrote, "While You Were Sleeping..." 

A wild ride ensued.  We covered, among other things, farm animals, Global  Climate Change, water, companion animals and cancer, the entertainment industry, the health profession, the military-industrial complex, and more. Don has interviewed so many "biggies" the past several years (Barnard, Esselstyn, Tuttle, Goldhamer, Greger, etc.) and was quite knowledgeable and obviously "on fire" during the discussion.

In many ways the interactions encapsulated some distilled essences of many of those interviews and what he's learned in his efforts to "change the way we eat, and in effect, change the world." We riffed on a war between two worlds: plant-based and current.

My thanks to Dr. Don for a wonderful bit of time thinking about the future, and the fun we had.  It was a tightrope walk, and I'm honored to have been on the rope with him.  We all DO need to ponder about and plan for the future inevitability of most of the planet being whole foods plant-based.  It's gonna happen.

Check out his archives for so many marvelous and informative interviews (over 600 he's done, don't know how many are in the archives) with authors, nutritionists, scientists, and movers'n'shakers swimming upstream society's river of ignorance.  You won't be disappointed.

While you were sleeping...

BTW:  you might have missed this, but the entire world adopted a "plant-based" diet last night.  This has freaked-out global markets and promoted high-level fiscal concern for most countries as economies across the world are now drastically collapsing; billions of people are suddenly without work, and small farmers don't have the capacity to deal with the demand for whole, unprocessed, non-GMO'd, real food.  Issues of what to do with, literally, billions of tortured factory farmed animals is suddenly a major concern on many levels.

It's not clear what the cognitive tipping point was in helping people understand that the best medicine for most of what ails them is preventative and restorative from whole, unprocessed, real food.  Certainly Drs. Caldwell Esselstyn, John McDougall, Neal Barnard, Michael Greger, Fuhrman, and T. Colin Campbell, among others, may be culpable in their dedicated, scientifically documented, and tirelessly consistent efforts to point out that a plant-based diet can effectively prevent, let alone reverse, many types of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and hyper-tension in humanoids.  They been ridiculed for years, and maybe now they'll get the praise they deserve for swimming up the so-called nutritional knowledge stream for so many years.

However, the sudden collective recognition and ability to separate emotional attachment to food from logical recognition of nutritional value and source implications of what we consume, has staggered the industrial-food complex.  They cannot make money on whole plant-based foods, without adding, to varying degrees, oil, sugar, and salt... these food-like products proven to be tremendously detrimental to human long-term health.  Their corporate holdings are now collapsing as fast as an artery with an ill-fit heart valve stent.

The impact of so many people consuming primarily healthy whole foods, eschewing processed food-like products, and embracing a wholistic plant-based dietary lifestyle has been devastating to the financial and political status quo.  Millions of people in restaurants, support businesses, and fast food venues are being laid off, while said businesses must close their doors from lack of customer interest and purchase.  They were not ready for what obviously had to happen, they were not prepared.  There was no long-term strategy based upon the many nutritional realities that have emerged over the past decade. The Health Care Industry is possibly beyond repair.

Civilization, as we conceive of it, has been irrevocably transformed, and the resulting implications cross across literally all human devices, endeavors, and support systems.  What we eat is fundamental to our existence, and the food corporations have been messing with the concept in irresponsible manners long enough, solely concerned for short-term profits and not long-term health.  Their bluff has been called, they cannot force us to buy their products.

Even so, we be in deep nitrogenous do-do, people.  And we must get past our collective political, mental, and emotional biases to deal with this serious New Reality.  Politicians grandstanding on TeeVee eating cheese, drinking milk, and gnawing on steaks isn't going to change this inevitability nor sway us from the understanding and final awareness that meat, dairy, and highly processed food, are killing us by the millions.

It's not going to be easy, such a mega-paradigm shift is going to generate a lot of collateral damage in the manifestation process.  But given the stakes at hand, the entire human race and the ability of our planet to support carbon-based lifeforms, it's abundantly clear that we have no choice.

We have to transcend.  We have to accept transformation of our consciousness from one predicated by lower-based taste addictions to one embracing our knowledge of a healthier way to live, to thrive, and to love.

We... just... have... no... choice...

Namaste, Mark

[This is my personal "Happy Anniversary" post... as one of the very first vegan bloggers, today "marks" my 8 year anniversary.  I started my blog to (1) promote a plant-based diet, (2) communicate well-referenced and related scientific studies/evidence supporting such, (3) to force myself to write regularly (which led, eventually, to my book), and (4) to torque people and organizations when I deemed it necessary.  Of course, too, it became a wonderful vehicle for ranting on occasion, but also, as I've learned, a vehicle for personal transformation of sorts.  I do apologize, somewhat, to those I've pissed off in the process of growing up.

The post above is an "Einstein Thought Experiment" of sorts, and, I believe, suggests all kinds of interesting implications.  As noted in a recent interview, I LIKE TO THINK.  We all need to think more about the ramifications of our belief structures.  I obviously don't have all the answers, which also upsets me at times, as we are collectively headed for a major global conflaguration involving lifestyle, the environment, the animals, and the ability of our planet to support carbon-based lifeforms.  It's going to happen, of this there is no doubt.  

Are we going to be prepared?  That's the really tough question.  It's the question that Congress should be answering, i.e., our water, air, soil, health, and food, in the future, instead of spending an absolutely assinine and absurd amount of time passing over 40 bills to de-fund something, Obamacare, that they cannot do.

Anyway, as a personal indulgence for a day or two, here's a couple of links to some of my favorite posts the past 8 years, along with a link to a special short-term discount for purchasing an autographed copy of my book.

I hope to be around in another 8 years to see what's happened, how I've hopefully grown, and that maybe this civilization can start acting as though they've been blessed by their very existence instead of abusing same.  You are what you eat and don't excrete, to put it bluntly.  The human body has had 4.5 billion years of testing to learn how to optimize good matter input into long-term health.  That conclusion has become inescapable, and imho, is of vital importance to our species if we're going to be around here in any significant numbers several years from now.  We MUST embrace these changes in thinking.  We literally "have no choice."

I love you all.... Mark

 About the Hex Globe

"The Milk Cellar at Chez Ignorante" 

"My Sojourn to Burger King"

"Heart goes BAM!"

"My Vegan Tipping Point"

"Identify This Vegetable and Win Something"

"The Experimental G-BOMBS V-12 Pizza Prototype"

A Special "Heart Healthy Pizza" Cookbook Anniversary Discount

 

Heart Healthy Pizza Passes 1st College Exam!

What is the ultimate test of a good vegan pizza?

"The South American" Sweet potato, quinoa, corn "cheese-like" topping, collards, tomato slices, + Trader Joe's Mix: chopped broccoli, carrots, green cabbage, red cabbage, jicama, green bell pepper, radish, celery.

I've often wondered about this serious and sociologically earth-shattering issue while spending close to six years researching alternatives to the fatty, saturated dairy and non-dairy cheeses used with abandon on what could be a very nutritious meal, but in the United States has degenerated into a savage nutritional orgy of calories, animal flesh, fat, salt, and general dietary undesirables promoting a biological descent into the ravages of cardiovascular disease, obesity, and Type II diabetes... and that's just the watered down summary of what I think (trust me, it's not a pretty picture inside)... moving on...

Still, the Big Questions kept arising during my research: would a meat or dairy-eater enjoy one of my vegan pizzas?  Would someone of native Italian descent relish one of my recipes?  What would Oprah think?

But the test that had me worried the most, The Ultimate Eval (pun intended) that had me wake up in a cold sweat at night, trembling with anxiety in the wee hours of the morning as I drifted, ghost-like through my internal house of fears was:  college students.  That unique and feral species of energetic quasi-humans destined to eventually guide us into assisted living and run the planet.  What would THEY think?

Even now, I can remember the anxiety of wondering whether or not one of my heart-healthy plant-based pizzas could pass an examination by carnivorous and/or plant-strong college students, well known for their highly discriminate palettes (unless the food is free or cheap or is food).  Would it pass muster?  Would they show up at my door, pelting me with left-over globs of "cheese-like" sauce, chanting "Daiya! Daiya!?"  Would a big red "F" replete with a dripping font, be plastered across my book's website, and an animated giff show up of Guy Fawke's smiling face, taunting me? Laughing?

Well, I'm proud to say that the first test results are in.  Below I've posted, with permission, a letter I received from the newly and growingly infamous "College Greens." 

The College Greens (Ann Esselstyn in red) from "Engine2Extra.com"

This idealistic group of plant-strong college students have vowed to "get healthy while their warranty is still valid" through following the recommendations of Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, Rip Esselstyn, and the whole Engine2 Diet team:  a no-added oil, plant-based diet.

 

A few weeks ago, intrigued by what I read about them (as part of the fantastic Engine2 Extra online community) and their dedicated efforts to encourage other college students everywhere to eat a healthy plant-based diet.  I tempted fate, rolled the Dice of the Gods, threw RDA's of salt over my left shoulder, and sent them a copy of my cookbook.  Part of me giggled, part of me was wondering "WHAT HAVE I DONE?"  

Patiently I waited, day pages from printed calendars flying in front of me like in an old black'n'white cartoon (just got to get that window fixed)... then, the word came back, October 4th, 2012 A.D.  The first test results were in.  Shaking and stirred, I opened the e-mail.  And... 

"Hi Mark!!

Craig and I (Tara) did end up making a pizza last weekend for the party. And it was a HUGE hit!!!! We made the oat crust, with raw tomato sauce, then onions, mushrooms, spinach, and artichokes, and topped with the cannellini bean, oregano, and walnut sauce! :) Herbies and Omnivores alike were impressed :) We had a number of different people ask about the recipe, and we told them about your awesome book!!! 

One critique that we got, as cooks, was to make the pizza crust thinner. It wasn't overly thick, but a couple of people mentioned that they would have preferred a crispier crust. I don't know whether these crust recipes have the potential to be crispy or not, but we will experiment with crust thickness in our next attempt :)

I'm not sure when the next pizza-making extravaganza will occur, but we will keep you posted!!! :)

And as for your black halloween pizza... how about olives and carrots? :)

Wishing we had more pizza leftovers,

Tara, -The College Greens"

That's just so [expletive deleted] cool! Survived mid-terms. Hot [short series of very disturbing juvenile expletives deleted].  Of serious note, too, is that the C.G.'s  are planning to run some more tests and do their own review of the book to be published online (I did tell them that reducing the water in the gluten-free oat crust might enable it to be "rolled" thinner (between wax paper sheets, but in general, getting a thin crust with some GF recipes isn't easy). Experimentation is always advised.

But, so far, so good.  Now onto the Finals!  Maybe I can finally sleep again... for awhile...  (huh? what's this "pizza leftover" concept they speak of?"... I keep wondering and mumbling incessantly in the wee hours of the morning...).

Who ARE these people, you ask??  Find out more below:

ABOUT THE COLLEGE GREENS • ARTICLES BY THE COLLEGE GREENS

The Experimental G-BOMBS V-12 Pizza Prototype

A buzzer sounds at the heavily secured massive steel door.

"What's the pass-phrase?" asks the Head Chef in gruff tones.

"Anthony Bourdain Eats Tofu," came the quick response from the other side of the door. A moment of silence before the door slowly opens, and Dr. S. quickly takes his seat.  Surrounding the Conference Room table are several austere and serious looking men and women in lab coats with a picture of a pizza shaped like a heart sewn on the front of each jacket.

"You're late, S." growls HC from the table's power seat.

"Sorry, sir," came the response, "An emergency in in the Iron Chef kitchen."

"So I've heard... I take it matters are under control?"

"Er, yes sir.  Dr. Psymon has been dismissed, per your orders."

"Nasty business, S.  Dr. Psymon knows the rules.  No oil.  I don't care if he's also on "The Chew."  It's no excuse.  People's health is at stake.  Chef Battleitaly has obviously been a bad influence on him."

"Undoubtedly, sir."

"Alright, enough of the pleasantries, S.  Report!"

The lights dim, a very large flat screen rises up from the far end of the table, the heart-shaped logo upper center on the screen pulsing.  Dr. S. hands dart quickly dart over his iPizza pad.  The monitor comes alive with light and color.  "I'm pleased to say, sir, that we've had a major breakthrough on Project Super Heart Healthy Pizza.  This is a photo collage of the Super Secret Experimental V-12 Pizza Prototype."

©2102 by Mark Sutton, topping sauce recipe from "Heart Healthy Pizza." Click to see larger image.

There are gasps from around the room. The chefs whisper excitedly to each other in panic, and one yells out:  "it's not possible! That's... that is... you've... OH MY GOD!"

"Quiet down everyone," demands HC, standing up and leaning across the table forcefully. "S., you can't be serious.  What you're showing us can't be done.  It breaks the dish of every foundational theory we've developed in over 100 years of covert culinary research.  How many?  What on Earth did you do, man?"

"Well, ah...."

"Dammitt, S., I'm a Food Physicist and Head Chef, not a Psychic.  In the Name of T. Colin Campbell, tell us, HOW MANY?"

"12, sir."

"TWELVE!!" exclaims HC, leaning back in his chair.  Pandemonium breaks out around the table, people are yelling and screaming at each other, pounding the table.  "But 11 was considered the highest level?" "It violates the Laws of Nature." "What if the New York Times Food Critic finds out?" "Is it stable, are we in danger?" "It can't be, he's lying."

Dr. S. stands up, and waves his right arm theatrically.  "Ladies and gentlemen, it IS possible."  The Team Members quiet down.  "Yes, this is a heart healthy pizza with twelve distinct vegetables as added ingredients."

"But, but... why, S., why? Why risk the potential structural collapse in the oven? We know that 11 is as high as you can go before the entire internal stability of the pizza resolves as an unedible avalanche of disconnected veggies, no matter how much topping sauce is used as an adherent agent.  Complete culinary collapse at the Julia Child Curve with a corresponding Emeril Explosion making "bam" look like "pop"."

S. chuckled. "I used to think this too, my friends.  I used to believe in that limitation. However, I had to think out of the pizza box. There had to be a way, a safe way, to safely exceed these limits.  I surmised that the key problem was the size of the individual veggies and where they were co-located in the PPCS, the Physical Pizza Collective Structure."

"Incredible... IF it works" says HC, his voice heavy with admiration yet caution, "I take it that you figured out that you could reduce the size of the Barnardian Vegetable Components and through a careful Morimotto Scatter Algorithm, avoid overloading the Ozian weight/pressure ratios of crust and sauce."

"Exactly, sir.  I wanted to increase the McDougall Ratio of vegetables to bite, while maintaining a reasonable Alton Brownian Mass to Gravity Failure Comparitive."

"Honor us, Dr., please describe to us your prototype."

"Delighted to, sir."  S. walks around the side of the table with his laser pointer.

"We start with a basic pizza crust base.  I was going to initiate construction with a gluten-free crust, but felt I'd reduce the unknown variables for this round to that which was a bit more clear in terms of loading stress capabilities.  A whole wheat crust is topped with chopped tender kale, followed by thinly sliced tomatoes, and sprinkled with freshly diced basil."

The young intern at the back of the room smiled and whispered loudly, "You had me at kale."  There were quiet giggles around the room.  "Hush up," admonished HC.

S. continued: "at this point, I added diced mushrooms as kind of shock absorbers to the next layer with a sprinkle of garlic powder and red pepper chili flakes.  I like it spicy, " he winked at the intern, "...then, using a Trader Joe's mixture of chopped vegetables..."

"Trader Joe's?" queried HC.

"Yes sir.  Due to time and budget constraints (how often do I have so many raw vegetables in the refrigerators?) I used Trader Joe's 8 Raw Chopped Vegetables, available for under $3 at most stores.  They were scattered and placed lightly across the pizza with enough space between individual veggies to allow for eventual topping sauce penetration. I also spread the carrots and purple cabbage bits around a bit to provide a pleasing visual appearance."

"Clever, S.  And yet you still stayed on budget."

"Yes sir... now, at this point I took a fundamental risk.  Onions or no onions?  I decided to go for it.  Slices of onions were draped on top of the lightly scattered veggies."

There was appreciative sounds of agreement and admiration from around the table.

"Of course, the decision of what type of cheese-like topping sauce to use was difficult.  I wanted not only good texture and taste, but one that would really kick the nutritional quality of the pizza into a Fuhrman Zone intersection with the Esselstyn No-Oil Barrier."

Gasps from around the room.

"Yes, my skeptical friends, a no-added oil Fuhrman G-BOMBS* without berries (which you could easily have in a dressing on a side salad).  To make this work, I went with a "Millet, White Kidney Beans, Sunflower Seeds, Sirarcha Sauce" topping, sprinkled with ground pepper. You can see the final results on the screen."

"Count, count, count!" came the collective cry from the other Chefs.  "Count, count, count!"

"Okay, here we go: (1) kale, (2) tomatoes, (3) mushrooms, (4) celery, (5) carrots, (6) jicama, (7) green cabbage, (8) purple cabbage, (9) green peppers, (10) radish, and (11) broccoli."

"Twelve, twelve, twelve..." came the demand from the screaming Chefs, some standing on the table, others writhing on the conference room floor.

"And, to complete our V-12 Prototype Pizza..." (pausing for effect), "ONIONS!!"  S. smiled proudly, while around him the Chefs were throwing their iDevices into the air, slapping themselves on their backs, hugging, and wiping the tears flowing from their eyes.  It was an historic moment, and even HC's own eye was misty with the realization of what had been shown here today.

"Praise Lyman! This is a momentous, S. You've done us proud.  Generations will remember this event and be healthier as a result.  Now, my good friends, time to celebrate.  I'll order in a vegan lunch for all of us from "The Millenium Restaurant", my treat."

"But sir," notes the young intern, "that's across the country in San Francisco."

"No problem, m'dear," chuckled HC, "I have our Trans-Orbital on standby."

As the Team Members exited the conference room, each shaking S.'s hand before leaving, they knew inside that the battle for healthy diets wasn't over, but yet that a major victory had been achieved.  New challenges awaited them, and their dedicated efforts to help people eat better food would continue unabated.

--------

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

1) *“G-BOMBS” is an acronym you can use to remember the most nutrient-dense, health-promoting foods on the planet. These are the foods you should eat every day, and they should make up a significant proportion of your diet — these foods are extremely effective at preventing chronic disease and promoting health and longevity." [Source]

2) the original topping sauce recipe, from my cookbook, HEART HEALTHY PIZZA, used cashews.  1/3 cup sunflower seeds were substituted for the cashews to give the sauce a lighter fluffiness and to lower the fat content a bit.  Easily enough sauce was made for both the V-12, and who knows? Maybe a V-13...

Ode to Andy Rooney

Rooney's death was announced recently, and I was speculating on what he might say about the topic.  I always enjoyed listening to his often insightful, albeit, cranky, observations.  Here's my ad hoc version of such.  Best read with his unique verbal cadence in mind.  He was a true original.  Mark

--------

(tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...)

"Don't you wonder about this "dying" thing?  I mean, people really make a big deal about this all the time.  Why do they call it "dying"?  What if it's really a new beginning?  Why don't we call it "re-booting?"  When was the original "booting?"  I don't like boots.  They irritate my ankles.

I think most of us worry too much about what's going to happen at the end.  I don't understand why we think we can second guess the universe and anticipate the next phase of our existence.  If it's a phase, does than mean we eventually get over it?

Then there are those who think the more pious amongst us will go to some heaven where we wear white robes, sing, and play harps all the time.  Don't you just hate robes?  No pockets, and totally inappropriate after Labor Day.  Don't even get me started about the harps.

If not ascending to heaven, I'm told we descend into fiery molten pits to live an eternity tortured by demons and hell's spawn.  I guess it's kind of like watching "American Idol" or a Republican Presidential Debate.

In one of his more cherry moments speculating about death, Mark Twain noted:

"[A] Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to -- both have their advantages, "heaven for climate, hell for company!"

I'm not sure which I'd prefer.  Would interesting companions make up for lousy weather?  Would I be allowed to smoke a good cigar in Heaven?  I like my sweater.  A little chill in the air makes me feel more alive.

But, as things go, I think I have to agree with that venerable philosopher, Socrates, who probably best expresses the reality of the situation:

"To fear death, gentleman, is no other than to think oneself wise when one is not, to think one knows what one does not know."

You see, to Socrates, death was either a dreamless sleep or something exciting and new to experience.

I like new experiences.  That's how we grow and learn.  But then, as Socrates also noted:

"To know, is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge."

I sometimes wonder what Socrates would think of Google or Facebook.

Anyway, I'm going to miss my time on Earth.  I've gotten used to my shoes and this sweater that has kept me warm most of my adult life.  Will I be allowed to have a desk in heaven?  I like this desk.

But then, as is often noted, "a wise man knows not to be the last to leave the party."

Guess it's time to go... see you soon."

(tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...)

Video: Vegan Black Metal Chef Episode 1: Pad Thai

This had me laughing out loud & giggling while watching.  Frickin' hilarious, & love the utensils.  Wonder if the creator(s) can sustain this kind of hilarity (& practical vegan cooking suggestions) for several episodes.

"Behold the Glorious Pad Thai," indeed.

Enjoy!  Mark (still deep in working on cookbook and trying to avoid ticking people off by the posts I really want to do):

[of course, I'm not endorsing the amount of oil,sugar, or salt used, but do admire the remarkable creativity in terms of presentation & general wit/production in this clip]

Twitter: @solveggie

10 Additional Heath Benefits of Daiya Cheese

I'd been exploring Twitter & responding w/ some Tweets about the high fat content of Daiya Cheese, when the company tweeted back and said they wanted to talk to me about the health benefits of their products.  I responded, essentially, that the products were high fat, basically added oil, and nutritionally useless. What's to talk about?  Thought about this some more and decided to visit their website after a 2 yr hiatus (had blogged about them awhile back).

Keep in mind that the only two guys to reverse heart disease, Drs. Esselstyn and Ornish, with 20+ years of peer reviewed research to support their claims, recommend between 12 (or so) and 24 grams of fat per day (depending upon your caloric intake:  they prefer 10% of your calories from fat, NO added oil), I decided to be magnanimous and help provide Daiya with some additional health claims they can truthfully use.

First, what are the ingredients in Daiya Mozarella Cheese:

"Filtered water, tapioca and/or arrowroot flours, non-GMO expeller pressed canola and /or non-GMO expeller pressed safflower oil, coconut oil, pea protein, salt, vegan natural flavours, inactive yeast, vegetable glycerin, xanthan gum, citric acid (for flavor)."

Second, here's the "health" claims on their website:

- cholesterol free

- trans fat free

- free of all animal products (vegan)

- free of common allergens including:  dairy (casein and lactose), soy, gluten, eggs, peanuts and tree nuts (excluding coconut)

- free of artificial ingredients

- free of hormones & antibiotics

A fine and thoughtful analysis by the Daiya team, even though a pile of rocks or leaves would easily be determined as "healthy" by the exacting criteria used above.  In the case of the leaves, maybe healthier.

It seems that the healthy benefits of Daiya Cheese are measured by what it DOES NOT CONTAIN instead of WHAT IT DOES CONTAIN, or as "compared to dairy cheese" (unless you take into account the fat, which isn't much of a difference).  One-fourth cup is 6 grams of just fat (and a slice of pizza would normally have around 1/3 cup, probably 8 grams of fat).  Have two slices of a Daiya dosed pizza and you've killed a day's worth of fat (according to Esselstyn/Ornish/Barnard/McDougall/Campbell).

Anyway, I decided to help them out.  Here's an additional 10 health claims they can add to their website for Daiya Cheese (as could many vegan cheese products) and be truly honest:

1) REDUCES HEART DISEASE POTENTIAL:  less plaque forming (which causes 90% of heart attacks) than from dairy or meat sources.  Of course, eliminating added oil totally would reduce that potential to near zero, but that's not the point.  It's LESS.

2) VERY SAFE TO EAT:  contains no glass shards which would irritate or cut-up your esophagus.

3) HUMANE:  not tested on mice, rabbits, cats, dogs, or platypus ducks.

4) EASIER DIGESTION;  contains no significant amounts of any nutrient (phytochemicals, antioxidants, micronutrients, any vitamins or minerals)... nutritionally useless means less demand on your digestive system.

5) "VEG" FRIENDLY:  suitable for pesco-vegetarians, bovo-vegetarians, swino-vegetarians, avian-vegetarians, and chitinous-vegetarians.  Flexi-vegetarian issues still being studied.

6) IMMUNITY BUILDING:  contains coconut oil, the #1 source of plant-based saturated fat, to help you build a tolerance to a substance the American Heart Association says should be limited in your diet.

7) ANALGESIC:  eliminates the emotional pain of re-calibrating your taste receptors to not crave fat and actively promotes your taste addiction to fat, thereby decreasing your stress.

8) FOOD-BORNE ILLNESS FREE:  contains no E.Coli, Listeria, Campylobacter, Salmonella, Avian Flu, Mad Cow Disease, or Ergot Fungus (bummer).

9) CONTAINS NO REAL FOODS; which would be another demand on your digestive system.  The Pea Flour is borderline.  Glycerin (not a real food) and oils "slide through" your system, although, what is a vegan natural flavor?  However, the Xantham Gum is essentially slime, which is a real food, kinda sorta, although icky in concept. I also prefer my yeast "active."  Let the little buggers earn their keep.

10) WEIGHT-REDUCER:  does a fantastic job of making your wallet lighter & therefore less of a physical burden.

Of course, admittedly, shredded cardboard laced with coconut and olive oil would probably have a superior nutritional profile to that of Daiya Cheese, and many other vegan cheeses.  Cheaper, higher in fiber, but probably doesn't melt as well.

Conan Clip: "Hunting Tofurkey"

It's short, around a minute, but funny.  Personally, I've never found Tofurkey appealing on any level.  Sure, if it helps some people adapt, go for it.  But I'd never serve it to people I care for (let alone, spend that kind of money on this product that could be used so much more effectively elsewhere):

Iron Chef America or "Barbarians at the Plate"

It's a guilty pleasure, to be sure, but I've taken to watching Food TV a little more than I used to.  Yeah, I'd listen to it sometimes while doing other things in the kitchen, but recent interpersonal emotional stress in my life has been affecting all my projects and health to varying degrees.  As such, I decided to change things up a bit, relax, and actually sit in front of a TeeVee and watch a few shows after dinner, rather than working late at my desk.  Food TV is one of my favorite weird spaces.

There's "Paula Deen the Fat Queen," who probably hasn't made a recipe with less than half a day's worth of fat and calories per serving in decades,  "Rachel 'I drink healthy happy EVOO [extra virgin olive oil] by the glassful every day' Ray," a travelogue on the unhealthiest popular food in the country ("Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dies, er, "Dives"), the husband of a couple who manages to frequently use "y'all" three times in a sentence to be folksy, and the superbly edited, often witty, occasionally nutritous, but always interesting, "Good Eats."  I could easily prattle on about other shows, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

Yet, for comedic operatic and satirical value, "Iron Chef America" is great sport and trumped up competition. Some of these Chefs display amazing creativity (I do get ideas from them), offset only by how unhealthy most of the recipes are.  However, I do enjoy the overall silly drama:  "WHAT is he doing now?"  "I don't KNOW... could it BE a PIE?"  "What's she going to do for PROTEIN?"  "Is that, is it, is it... CUMIN?" "OMG, OMG, it's pork sushi with chocolate, arame, anchovies, saffron, and habanero!  That's NEVER been done before in the history of the UNIVERSE!"  All peppered with quick edit cuts, intense vocalizations, and manufactured tension.

Last night, the "secret ingredient" (cue the fog machine and turn the speakers to "11") was:  duck!  Obviously it was appallling, and as someone who's  taking care of 9 of these delightful creatures, I can think of few  animals that deserve less to be slaughtered (well, none, actually) and then "dressed up" for human consumption. I was revolted by one Chef using machine-generated air pressure separate the outer skin of the ducks. The process of carving of them into steaks would've made Freddy Krueger proud. That's not all. The dialogue that ensued when these culinary "creations" were served to the august panel of Judges deserves note with some examples ("slightly" paraphrased):

"Excellent use of dijon mustard, oreos, and lard, Chef, but for me, the skin of the deep fried dead animal's carcass just wasn't as crispy as I'd hoped it would be.  Perhaps, too, a bit more salt would've helped. But, using spicy toasted duck flippers like tortilla chips in your second recipe was brilliant, and yet practical."

"You are truly talented!  A fine subline artistic arrangement of cooked chunks of a hacked up slaughtered bird with vegetable strips in a superb chianti wine sauce reDUCtion." [pun intended]

"I'm just not impressed, Chef.  I expected a more robust flavor from that deceased fowl you friccasseed." (burp)  "But I do find the five different types of cut up animal corpses with grits a most interesting variation on that Southern Classic. The sprinkle of ants covered with powdered sugar was visually appealing." (belch) "You've done well."

(giggle) "I just love love love the way the boiled duck embryo, er, egg, holds up on top of a a slab of it's adult dead version on top of the mucho tasty ground up diseased bird liver. It's so so pretty!" (giggle) "I could eat this forever and ever!"

"Chef, your astounding creativity in making this lifeless nutritionally disgusting duck-based dessert is a testimony to your awesome skills.  You've scaled new heights of culinaryness and cookingosity.  I wouldn't have thought it possible." [the dessert was real]

Yeah, I sat, transfixed, until the end, both fascinated and distressed.  Then I saw the "secret ingredient" for the next episode:  pheasant.  I turned off the TeeVee.  An admittedly judgemental phrase mumbled out of my mouth at that point that summed up my thoughts about it all:

"Barbarians at the Plate."

Sure, on the surface a more civilized version of people wearing furry dead animal skins and ripping cooked body parts off a formerly living animal, but in reality, just as morally and ethically reprehensible. Yeah, there are times when we probably shouldn't be judgemental or overtly critical (or so some believe when taking the higher road) of carnivores and those that just haven't figured it out yet, it won't change their attitudes, as we might feel superior in some way and pride goeth before blah blah blah.

Nuts... I know barbarism when I see it.  Now, if the Chefs, with the Judges watching, had to capture, kill, pluck or skin, then cook said animals for the competition, I'd be more impressed, and they'd be more aware of the truth behind what they are doing.  Certainly would put a big rip in the Judge's smarmy aristocratic civilized veneer.  But then, the show's catch phrase, "who's cuisine will reign supreme?" would have to be changed to, "who's cuisine is more obscene?" That might lower ratings and upset a few human stomachs.

A reality the Food Network can't afford...

 

[With apologies to Bryan Burrough and John Helyar, who wrote "Barbarians at the Gate"]

Video Clip: Colbert vs. PETA vs. Joe Biden

This was a quick and witty bit by Stephen Colbert regarding PETA's concern about Joe Biden giving US soldiers hot dogs.  Satirical in nature, it actually supports PETA if you, well, "read between the lines."